My earliest memories consist of worrying about what might happen. Preparing myself for every possible scenario. Trying so hard to think of every possible outcome to any given situation in an effort to never be taken by surprise.
The result??? Being miserable. Anxiety, fear, dread. Always being guarded. Keeping up enormous walls. Issues with trust. Loneliness. Sadness.
Why would I choose to live this way? Well, for me, it was the way I had been conditioned to live. Partly by poor examples and partly by familiarity.
When my world as I knew it crashed and burned, I was forced to my knees. The way I had done things was futile. As hard as I tried to predict every possible outcome, I failed to see what was coming.
I had to place every bit of myself in my Creator's loving arms and for the first time, fully trust Him. No questions asked.
At first it was so scary, but over time, He gave me a freedom. A peace. A new found joy that I have never experienced. He put a new song in my heart. A song of faith and hope. The ability to live and love without judgements and walls.
I strive to live each moment as they come to me. I try not to look past it. I don't fret about tomorrow.
The result??? True laughter and giddiness when I play with my kids. A calm deep inside as I watch the sunset. Thankfulness when I head out to work. Contentment when I lay my head to sleep. Faith as I pray for my family. Joy as I wake up anticipating all of the blessings and treasures in store for me each new day. Love as I think of my God.
It is true. There is joy in the morning.
this is beautiful Kris, and a beautiful place to be. I wake each morning by getting on my knees, thanking God for letting me wake to a fresh new day, and for me.......grant me another day of sobriety & help me to better do His will for me.......at night I thank....
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am still working on the "peaceful" place of contentment specifically not worrying about the future, I often take my will into my own hands, or should I say "I try" as He is the one and only in control......thank you God.......but the uncertainty of where our family will end up, will Cam's world be rocked yet again, will I have to leave this peaceful place I feel so comfortable in called home......will we be ok? oooo these are questions that are often swimming thru my head.....thankfully I know and understand this is a process, not an event, all will be well, somehow someway, our creator loves us, protects us, gives us strenghth....this I know...deep in my soul
I love you, Debi!! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers :) Know that if God leads you elsewhere, He goes with you!!
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